


numb heart (or not really)

by ultraviolentae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angry Kissing, Fist Fights, Flirting, M/M, Making Out, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15915864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: "You are never in charge with me, no matter how much you try.”“Sounds like a challenge to me.”





	numb heart (or not really)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brbabe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbabe/gifts), [hyuckrens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckrens/gifts).



> miss ultraviolentae writing nomin?!!!!! yeah well...... my friends had some great ideas i couldnt just not write this
> 
> i did this for fun and for them tbh, its really just a drabble??? ish??? so dont expect much from it ig???
> 
> (ps, even if i wrote about them fighting i dont think it was graphic at all,, i just hope none of this is triggering please tell me if you find i should add stuff to this note !!)

**J** eno remembers the first time he had ever seen the boy. He had come inside the dark room with an expressionless face and confident posture as he descended down the creaky old metal stairs into that musty basement that had been turned into a hidden fight club. Just like when Jeno had first joined, the boy was greeted with chuckles and lots of teasing comments here and there. But he seemed unbothered, whether he actually was or not, Jeno couldn’t tell.

His slim figure always brought the men to mock him whenever he’d come back the week after, it was always the same comments “Why are you still here princess?” “Won’t you break?” “Do you even have any muscle in that weak body of yours?”, but he continued unfazed. Eyes never shook, lips never trembled, hands never twitched. Jeno couldn’t comprehend how he managed to be so stoic and put together, even if he had tried perfecting his poker face skills, they could never reach that level.

It was about the fourth week in when their eyes finally locked, the boy never looked at anyone much and instead walked around with his eyes glued to the walls. So, when his intense black eyes meet Jeno’s, he feels paralyzed. More than he’d like to admit, the boy was a newbie and he had been going to their meetings for about two years, it made no sense he would let himself be affected by a  _ damn  _ rookie.

”Let’s go.” His voice was low, raspy even, and nothing like Jeno would’ve expected it to sound like. He quirks his eyebrow cockily as if asking if Jeno dared to fight against him, and of course Jeno was not going to let a rookie look down upon him like that without giving them a good fight.

“Sure.” Jeno says lowly and walks behind him, shoulders thrown back and head up high to show he didn’t fear him. And he didn’t, but posture was everything in that club. If you carried yourself as a loser, then you’d become one to everyone else’s eyes. Eventually they’d quick you out, but never in a nice way of course. Jeno had heard stories, and definitely didn’t want to test if they were real. 

They stand facing each other in the middle of the room surrounded by the rest of the males who observed the scene like wild animals. Jeno wiggles his body to warm up and then cracks his neck but the rookie simply tugs at his fingers in preparation.  _ Who is this guy?  _ He thinks just as the rookie sprints forward and almost smacks his fist in Jeno’s face, if he had not reacted quickly his nose would surely already be a bloody mess from how fast the boy had ran across the little space that used to be separating them.

Because he was slim, his moves seemed faster, it bugged Jeno’s head for his technique fell out of the algorithm he was used to. He either adapted quickly or he’d be done for, the boy had already struck him in his ribs and lombar making him almost collapse onto the floor with how painful the blows were. He didn’t quite use his fists the same way as the rest, his bony knuckles dug right into the skin which hurt ten times more but before Jeno could even react, the boy had already sprinted somewhere else. 

“Seems like you’re losing.” That same deep voice sounds behind his ear making his blood boil, but Jeno knew better than to show he was affected by the comment. He strikes the newbie with his elbow and the boy grunts and falls onto the floor from the sudden blow.

“Not really.” Jeno growls before stomping his foot right in the middle of the boy’s stomach and pushing down harshly until the other let out a strangled noise and latched his hands around his ankle, nails digging painfully into the skin so Jeno would let go. But he didn'tl. “Wanna give up?”

A smirk spreads across his face, a nice change from the stoic expression he always put on. “What do you take me for?”

“A twink.” Jeno spits out before grabbing him by his throat. “Give up.” He demands before pressing harder until the rookie starts choking up, a strange sensation forms in his stomach at the sight. Very much like guilt, but he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t feel anything. So he bites down on his lip harshly and continues on pressing down even if the boy’s face was slowly turning purple. “Please.” Jeno whispers mostly to himself and starts relaxing his fingers.

The boy blinks a few times for his eyes to focus and then furrows his eyebrows. “Coward.” He manages out, his voice had become raspier and weaker with how much pressure Jeno had put on his throat. “You’re a coward.”

  
  


Jeno’s breath hitches when the rookie walks in his direction the next week.  _ Not again.  _ He hated how he had run off with his tail between his legs last time, he should’ve left him unconscious, those were the rules. Yet somehow seeing his soul leave his body like that made his stomach twist and turn, no matter how mad he was at himself for having done that, he also despised the boy for having brought pity to his already numb heart.

“Let’s go.” He demands, his voice resonated inside of Jeno’s body making his bones shake. “Kill me if you must.”

“Leave me alone.” Jeno grumbles and rolls his eyes, he didn’t want to come off as a weakling once again. He feared to feel such emotions again, it was too foreign, it scared him. “There's so many people in here, why do you bother me in this way?”

The boy shoots him a wicked smile. “I want you.” He gives Jeno his bruised hand but the other refuses to shake it. The least interaction the best, maybe he could use the techniques from when he was a newbie to not feel too bad about hurting others. Not that he had entered the club with a soft soul anyways, nobody could. But to survive you had to become immune to any weak sentiment, and become almost animalistic.

He gets up reluctantly, if he didn’t accept it people would start rumours and the fear of being kicked out surfaces once more. “Okay.” Jeno growls and pushes the boy so he’d start walking towards the middle like him. “I don’t get why me, but sure. Whatever princess wants, princess shall get.”

“It’s Jaemin, not princess, by the way.”

Just as Jeno was about to say “I couldn’t care less.”, Jaemin’s fist smacks against his chest knocking the air out of of his lungs. He bends down and tries breathing in, but before he can regain his breath, the newbie was already back at it again digging his knuckles harshly all over Jeno’s torso.

“Lose it.” Jaemin shouts while punching Jeno’s back with all the strength he possessed. “Snap on me, Jeno.” 

The other lets out a loud growl and tries hitting the rookie’s face but fails for Jaemin was faster. “How do you fucking know my name?” He mumbles as he ducks a punch. “You stalking me, creep?”

“So what if i am? What are you going to do?” Jaemin cackles and twists Jeno’s arm till the other cried out in pain. “Losing already?”

“I can’t stand you.” Jeno snarls and, with his free hand, pushes the boy so hard he trips and loses his balance. “Don’t get too cocky.” He grabs both of Jaemin’s wrists and pushes him onto the floor, sitting right on top of the boy’s chest to prevent him from moving. “You want to die this time, is it?”

Jaemin chuckles and licks his lips. “Sure, why not?”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Jeno breathes out and tightens his hold on the boy’s wrists.

“What makes you think you’re not, Jeno?” He hates how soft his name rolls off the boy’s tongue like that, in a raspy yet sweet way that made his insides collide. He hates it all, he hates Jaemin.

“Never said i wasn’t.” Is all he says before moving his right hand from the boy’s wrist to his throat. Jaemin puts his own hand on top of Jeno’s and smiles weakly up at him. “Don’t look at me like that.”

The boy licks his lips again. “Like what?” He cocks his eyebrow up and Jeno’s breath hitches.

His fingers tighten against the slim neck and Jaemin slowly closes his eyes, displaying the full pair of eyelashes adorning each eye.  _ Such pretty boys shouldn’t be in places like these,  _ Jeno thinks and tenses up his jaw. “Can’t you just give up?”

“And become a loser? A punching bag?” Jaemin whispers weakly with his eyes still closed and then chuckles lightly. “I’d rather die, Jeno.”

“Stop saying that.” He mumbles exasperatedly, hating himself for having let that out the moment his lips smacked closed. 

Jaemin snaps his eyes open in shock. They lock eyes and, it seems that for the first time, the boy doesn’t have a witty remark to that. Jeno is thankful, he felt embarrassed already for letting his facade down like that. Not that anyone but Jaemin had heard it since the men all around them were too busy chanting things to pay attention to their conversation. It was all muffled noises, Jeno had learn to pretend they weren’t there so he wouldn’t feel even more pressued.

It felt different then, Jeno wanted to call it  _ intimate _ but sirens go off in his brain at the word and so he forces himself to become blank. To not think about his actions, to not think about how Jaemin’s skin was losing its colour and becoming more purple by the second. The rookie wheezes out a breath and then his whole body relaxes completely.

“Goodnight, princess.” Jeno whispers before letting go and disappearing in the middle of the crowd, leaving Jaemin’s unconscious body to be taken by someone else. 

  
  
  
  


“Go away, Jaemin.” Jeno pleads when he catches a glimpse of the boy in his camp of vision the week after. He couldn’t anymore, it was hopeless to pretend he hadn’t created a stupid soft spot for the newbie. It came back around whenever he was nearby, just like then. Jeno’s heart skipped a beat the second he sensed Jaemin was around, and that made anger boil inside of him.

“I haven’t seen you snap yet, though.” The boy says and Jeno finally looks up only to be greeted by his pearly whites shining through the darkness of the basement. He can’t help but notice the bruises around his neck, bile rises up his throat and burns the back of his mouth. 

“I said go away.” He pushes Jaemin as he walks away. There were eyes on them and he hated that the most, but at that point he’d prefer to be beat to a pulp and thrown out of the club than to fight Jaemin and have to deal with the bubbling sensation inside his chest. 

Someone prevents him from getting to the stairs, the main leader Johnny looks down at him with hard eyes and an annoyed expression. “Where do you think you’re going? Did i say you could go?” He growls and Jeno almost flinches, but years of learning to keep his head straight at all times had given him an advantage.

“I have never done wrong, i’ve always followed the rules. May i please be left out this one time?” Jeno feels like he’s back to primary asking the teacher if he could go outside pee, it's pathetic really. But he didn’t want to have to face Jaemin for any minute longer.

“The fuck you think this place is? Want us to beat you up? Stop acting like a child.” He spits out and pushes Jeno so hard he almost falls onto the floor. “Stop being a sissy.”

The boy breathes in deeply and chews on his lip before nodding and heading towards the crowd again. He could feel Jaemin’s eyes on him somewhere in the room, but he doesn’t dare move his eyes away from the wall, if he was to be trapped there for the next three hours then so be it. But the moment Jaemin dared come near him, he swore to channel all his hatred and make him regret ever talking to him.

  
  


Night time was his favourite, danger used to scare him as a child but now that he feared nothing, Jeno feels the happiest roaming around the streets staring up at the sparkly sky as the chilly breeze ruffled his locks. Finally he was out of that cramped hell hole that he once used to call a home, and he had let some newbie ruin it for him. It irritated him so much he wanted to yell so loud he’d wake everyone up, and so he does.

“Don’t be rude, people are sleeping.” He hears behind him. That voice, the one that haunted him even in his sleep. Jeno’s body goes on fire from both anger and the newfound emotion that he tried so hard to suppress.

“Go the fuck away from me, i have warned you already.”

Jaemin chuckles cockily. “What are you going to do? You know i don’t care if you kill me, you know nothing you might do will hurt me. You think i’m scared of you, Jeno?”

His eyes go wide at how fearless the boy sounded, killing him had never even been an option, never would be. Jeno would like to think his heart was dormant but he knew living with the guilt of having taken away someone’s life would always be too much. No matter how much he’d train himself to not feel and not think, his core could never be erased. He supposed he hated that the most, it made him weak, _a_ _prey_. 

“If you want to die so much, why don’t you?” He spits out and turns his back to Jaemin but, just as he starts to walk, he hears the boy’s loud footsteps just behind him. “You don’t need me for that, y’know?”

Jaemin sighs loudly and places his hand on Jeno’s shoulder. “You’re so dense.” He croaks out just before the other grabs his wrist and slams his body against the nearest wall, fire danced in Jeno’s eyes but somehow, Jaemin didn’t feel scared.

“Don’t touch me.”

“And why not? ”

Jeno digs his nails in the skin till the boy hisses out in pain. “You don’t know me, you don’t get to touch me. Leave me alone.” He snarls and lets go of Jaemin, shaking off the boy’s arm harshly as if he was a ragdoll.

Jaemin lets him go and watches as he walks away. “I know you feel it too, you know? I can see it in your eyes, you want me too.” He says, loud and clear, and takes a step back when Jeno comes to a halt and stays frozen in his spot. Even if deep down he knew Jeno was unable of hurting him, it was hard to not fear him nevertheless. Outside it would never show, though, Jeno would never know. Jaemin had trained himself too well, he knew he had. 

“Cut the crap.” The other looks at him with a serene expression, but his voice came out too shaky. Jaemin knew he was getting through, he knew Jeno was bound to snap if he were to push a bit more. It was scary, _ he feared it _ , but he also wanted it to happen.

“I like you too.” 

That does it, next thing Jaemin knows he’s being violently pushed against the wall again. Jeno’s loud breathing reminds him of an angry bull and that makes the other actually fear for dear life for once. “Shut that mouth of yours.” He growls and, when Jaemin opens his mouth to speak, Jeno smacks his fist against the boy’s cheek to shut him up. “I said, shut up. Is that so hard to understand?”

“You snapped.” He says in a lighthearted tone, as if he hadn’t just been punched a few seconds before. “Finally.” 

“You’re insane.” 

“But am i driving you insane with me?” Jaemin’s twisted smile just makes anger boil deep inside Jeno even harder, the type that came hand in hand with frustration for it seemed the more he hurt the other, the more satisfied he became. It bugged Jeno’s brain too much. “I know i am. You can’t hide from me, you know?”

Jeno runs his fingers through Jaemin’s hair, softly and careful at first, so much so that the other’s eyes become big at the gentle action. But just as the boy starts to smile in victory, Jeno tugs harshly at his hair throwing his head back till it hit the wall. “What do you want?” He says through his teeth and tugs harder at the strands making Jaemin whimper in pain.

“You.” The boy says while staring right into Jeno’s flame filled eyes and licks his lips, cleaning the blood that had been smeared all over them. “Always have since the moment i first saw you.” 

The other breathes in deeply and then looks at Jaemin’s eyes in silence. For how long, he didn’t know, but long enough for his breathing to calm down and his body to relax. He hated that the anger he felt inside was not quite because the boy’s words disgusted him, but because they turned on switches inside of his brain. Switches that had been off the entirety of his life. It was awfully scary, and yet he didn’t want to let go of Jaemin. “You want me, princess?” He asks under his breath and smirks when Jaemin seems to come back down to Earth at the petname.

“I’m not a fucking princess.” The boy snarls and tries moving his body but Jeno presses Jaemin’s head back harder and presses his body against the boy’s to prevent him from moving. “Call me that again and i’ll murder you.”

Jeno chuckles as he tilts his head. “Oh really? How are you going to do that when you can’t even move?” 

Jaemin presses his teeth against each other in frustration and latches his hands around Jeno’s arm before starting to push the boy away the best he could, but Jeno was just as strong and so they stay in the same place as if Jaemin hadn’t even tried. “Say, why are you still here if you don’t want me too?” The other boy’s breath hitches and he visibly gulps which only makes Jaemin gain even more confidence to keep pushing further. “At least gimme the courtesy to kiss you, no?”

“What the fuck.” Jeno’s brain freezes for a split second and then his face darkens suddenly, the change was so quick that Jaemin doesn’t quite have time to process it. “Ask nicely then.” Jeno gropes the boy’s cheeks puckering his lips in the process and then smirks.

“No.” He manages to say and stabs his nails in the skin of Jeno’s bicep when the other squeezes his face harder because of his response. “Fuck you.” 

Jeno quirks his eyebrow and shrugs. “Alright fine, then i’ll make you do it.” He says just as he lowers his head so he could press his lips against the sensitive skin of Jaemin’s neck and snickers when the boy grunts while trying to free himself. “Thought you’d want this?” Jeno teases, smiling when his hot breath makes Jaemin’s skin become filled with goosebumps. 

“My lips, not my neck, Jeno.” Jaemin breathes out weakly.

“Okay, then beg.”

“No.”

Jaemin was stubborn, always been told he was. But the boy keeps nibbling and sucking harshly on the already bruised neck, and part of him already wants to give in and go with Jeno’s wishes. The other part wished he could find his way out of Jeno’s embrace and be the one to pin the boy against the wall, though it didn’t seem very likely he’d manage to do that.

He sighs, not only because Jeno had just flicked his tongue on top of a fresh bruise his mouth had just created, but because of how frustrated he felt knowing he’d have to give in eventually. “Please.” Jaemin bites on his bottom lip and flinches when his teeth stab onto bruise Jeno’s fist had created. 

“Please?” The other repeats and smiles to himself when he figures Jaemin was finally giving in.

“Just let me kiss you, please.” He finally says, voice coming out almost as a whisper. “Happy?” Jaemin glares at Jeno who seemed radiant to have won again, except the moment he lets his hold on Jaemin loosen, the boy escapes his embrace and quickly pins the other against the very same wall before Jeno could even react. “Always so slow to react.”

Jeno yelps and then cracks one eye open at the little comment. “Fuck you.” He spits out and tries fighting his way out of Jaemin hold, and just like the other, fails completely. 

“I let you win way too many times.” The boy smirks in triumph as he moves his head closer to Jeno’s till their noses almost brush against each other, and then looks down at Jeno’s lips. “My turn.”

His bruise hurts, but Jaemin can’t seem to care as he presses their lips together. Jeno keeps his lips tense refusing to give in to the boy so easily, and that makes Jaemin chuckle. They were too similar, unrelenting and stubborn, but he supposed that was made Jeno so magnetic and fun to fool around. 

Jaemin lets go of the boy’s lips and stares at his angry face, he noticed right away that his blood had tainted Jeno’s lips but, just as he was about to try and clean it off with his thumb, Jeno licks them clean without second thoughts. “Oh.” He mumbles thunderstruck with the sudden action. 

But of course that was just another one Jeno’s plan to make Jaemin lose focus for a while so he could go back to being in control. He pushes Jaemin back with so much force that the other, while trying to not fall backwards, leans forward and flops right on top of him. Jeno tugs at the hairs nearby Jaemin’s nape pulling his head back so that the boy would look at him in the eyes and then kisses him, with anything but care. Teeth crashing sloppily against each other with how rough and careless Jeno was being. 

Except Jaemin doesn’t stay still, but refuses to unlink their lips as he kicks Jeno wherever and however he could. The other tries tugging even harder at the hairs to make Jaemin stop, but the boy just keeps on trying to hurt Jeno so bad he’d let go. But neither of them do. And yet their lips were still as if glued together. 

“You sure like tugging at my hair.” Jaemin says, lips brushing against Jeno’s as he speaks from how close their face were still.

“Seem you love beating me up, guess we’re even.” Jeno sucks on the boy’s bruised bottom lip making him cry out in pain. “When are you going to let me win?” He quirks his eyebrow and swiftly picks Jaemin up before he could fight against it, wrapping the boy’s legs around his torso to better support him. 

“Let’s get one thing straight.” Jaemin whispers next to Jeno’s earlobe. “You are never in charge with me, no matter how much you try.”

“Sounds like a challenge to me.” He rubs his nose just below Jaemin’s jaw and sucks so hard the boy gasps. “That i’m willing to win.”

Jaemin snorts and runs his fingers through Jeno’s hair. “You won’t ever, but you can keep on trying forever.” He grins while tracing the boy’s neck with the pad of his finger as Jeno adorned his whole neck with even more red marks.

Jeno looks up at him with the corners of his lips slightly curled up. “Guess i just might, uh?”

They kiss again, and even if the fight for dominance in it was still painfully obvious, Jaemin finds it to be the sweetest kiss he had ever received from anyone in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)  [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/ultraviolentae)


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